January212010
Maybe You Wonder Where You Are - I Don’t Care.
I’m currently “seeing” a guy who recently got divorced. We have been out a handful of times and I’m 99.9% sure he is smitten like a kitten. (I would never tell him this but I might be a little smitten too!) Sounds like a dream right…well here’s the catch. On our second date he spent about 20 minutes fumbling over himself trying to explain to me where he is in his life and where he expect our relationship to go…which was nowhere. The word of the day was “CASUAL”, a word which I have continued to repeat to myself on a daily basis for the past 6 weeks as our relationship has grown from speaking a few times a week to speaking multiple times a day and seeing each other every weekend.
After my last disaster of a relationship I am very leery of two things: Trusting my gut and thinking that that “special person” will actually be there tomorrow. If you had asked me, my family, or any of my friends if my ex was going to break up with me in the most immature and cruel way possible (via email) the afternoon of the same day we had been to lunch and kissed each other goodbye everyone would have said no way in hell. It made me realize that some people think it’s completely okay to pop in and out of your life without an explanation or even the goodbye that you deserve.
So keeping that in mind starting out my most current relationship with a disclaimer that it wasn’t going anywhere was a hard pill to swallow. What has been even harder is growing more attached to him on a daily basis whilst reminding myself that this is suppose to be casual. I try and give him the benefit of the doubt with his fumbled explanation of what he wanted for us. I truly believe that what he was trying to say was he doesn’t see himself getting married again anytime soon and we are both at an age where most people are trying to rush towards that goal; that if that was what I was looking for then he didn’t want to be wasting my time. I’ve tried to keep it in the forefront of my mind while at the same time not holding it against him…which is a tricky tricky thing.
So that’s what brings me to today’s song: Are we on the road to nowhere?? There are two very different ways of looking at this question and it’s answer. Unfortunately I find myself riding the line on both of them.
1- Why not just hang out and enjoy the ride? We are having an awesome time and I enjoy him more and more every day. He is kind, sweet, gentlemanly, mature, fun, handsome and most importantly makes me feel special. Isn’t it better to have that in your life for a while rather than not at all? Just don’t take any of it seriously or expect it to be there tomorrow… just enjoy it for what it’s worth.
2- Why get attached to someone who could just walk away..and warned you so you can’t even expect them to feel bad about it? Isn’t it sort of setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak to find this awesome guy, get used to talking to him every day, spend the time getting to know him WHEN from date 2 he said that it wasn’t going anywhere. It’s probably better to just keep your distance and wait for someone who wants what you want.
Both very viable arguments and why the situation is nearly impossible. Are we on the road to nowhere? I guess we will just have to wait and see…..
