March152011
But The Way You Play Your Game Ain’t Fair
Some people say that men and women can’t really be friends. I disagree. I have a wonderful male friend with whom I have no feeling other than friendly love for and I’m sure he feels the same way (we will call him A). Last night we had a very interesting conversation about the dynamic of men and women’s relationships.
A and I have a mutual friend (M) that I have a very weird relationship with. There are feelings outside of friendship that orbit around us like flies at a picnic. We have discussed them at great length and occasionally given into them but we both know that it would never work out…or at best that our timing is horrible right now. Yet, we continue to spend retarded amounts of time together, in an attempt to torture each other…. I guess. Every time we hang out it starts out great…we have an uncanny comfortableness with each other but usually by the end of the night I’m bitter and bitchy and he’s mad. Then we end up going home together and, although we have never actually sealed the deal, either making out or arguing even more.It’s a hot mess.
I spend a lot of time trying to figure out if I am really interested in this guy or if I’m just annoyed that he isn’t head over heels for me. While A and I were talking about all of this I had a moment of clarity where I said, “I don’t even know if I really like him…I mean I like him as a friend obviously, but I mean “like him-like him”.” To which A replied.. “Abby, don’t you see? It’s all about the chase with you two. I can’t believe you are so blind! You two spend so much time chasing each other around but both of you refuse to be caught because then you know the game would be over.”
First I would dumbfounded by how simple he made it all sounds and THEN I was mad at myself for being such a cliche because I think he might be right. Is it all really a game? How is it that I’ve been dealing with it for MONTHS and I never saw that before? At the ripe old age of 31 how I do not have this shit figured out better?
I’m exhausted….
